Sunday, August 15, 2010

Lessons From My Cat: #1

These are the top ten things to do if you are angry:
  1. Narrow your eyes to slits and try to make lasers come out of them.
  2. Belt your favorite toy around the kitchen, and when it goes under the dishwasher yowl and yowl until your person gets it out with a broom.  Repeat.
  3. Wait until your person is carrying something hot.  Grab her leg and sink your teeth in.  You can precede this with one of your banshee yowls if you like, but the element of surprise is then ruined.
  4. Pee on the dog's bed.
  5. Vomit.
  6. Cower and run away from your person when she has guests.  This will make them think she beats you.
  7. Wait until the dog's bed has been washed then pee on it again.
  8. Make sure your bottom is hanging outside your litter tray.
  9. Ignore the expensive cat grass your person has bought for you.  Then, when she goes out, pull it out of its pot and trample dirt through the house.  Then vomit.
  10. Wait until your person is carrying something hot.  Growl when she walks past.  Enjoy her reaction.

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