Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Psychometrics, qu'est-ce que c'est?

Recently, someone I know had to undergo psychometric testing.

It was not, as I had thought, a measure of the extent of her psychoses, but a three-hour ordeal where the depths of her brain were plumbed for evidence that she knew how to multiply fractions, spot the difference between between various polygons, and give black or white answers to decidedly grey moral conundrums (conundra?), many of which were culturally inappropriate as well as just plain dumb.

I'm not sure what these tests reveal, but they are apparently designed by Very Clever People who can glean Very Important Facts from the results.

Anyway, I thought, how hard can it be?  So here I present

Lissy's Psychometric Test For Finding Out The General Smarts And Personalities Of Her Readers.

You have 72 minutes to complete the test.  Do not try to second-guess what answers I am looking for.

1:  What is the difference between a Pink Lady apple and a lychee?

a/ There's a difference? All fruits look the same to me and are equally valued within my world view
b/ What the @#$% is a lychee?
c/ A Pink Lady is delicious and a lychee is like an eyeball
d/ None of the above

2:  When you look at this image, do you see a vase, or do you see two people facing each other?

3:  Scenario: Your family is very hungry and there is no bread in the house.  They are not poor - they simply forgot to buy it when they were at the Farmers' Market.  Is it OK to steal bread to feed them?

a/ Yes, but only if it's white bread
b/ No.  You should steal meat.  Your family should be protected against carbohydrates
c/ No.  Why should it always fall on you to get them out of a tight spot?
d/ None of the above

4:  What is the next number in this sequence: 1, 2, 6, 76, 14, 2, 2, 64, 0.46.....

a/ 2
b/ 8
c/ pi
d/ I don't know

5:  Which of these lines is longer?

5:  What would you say is the worst thing about you?

a/ I am a murderer
b/ Sometimes I deliberately leave only two sheets of toilet paper on the roll
c/ I am Julie Bishop
d/ I am too conscientious and I feel sometimes this places too much pressure on my colleagues to live up to my standards
e/ I steal teaspoons from aeroplanes
f/ I misuse apostrophes
g/ All of the above

6:  Scenario:  You are in a malfunctioning lift with Kevin McCloud, Penny Wong and Plucka Duck.  Before the four of your plummet to your deaths do you...

a/ Jump on top of Plucka in a vain attempt to have a soft, feathery landing
b/ Touch Kevin McCloud's bottom
c/ Touch Kevin McCloud's arm
d/ Scoff down the rest of your kebab so you won't have wasted $7.95 on it
e/ Compliment Penny Wong on her fine suits and nice hair

Send me your answers and I will analyse the results in six to eight weeks.

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