Battle Of Half-Wits

Everybody knows that in a land battle, crocodile will beat shark every time.

Some other battles with equally predictable outcomes include:

• Hand-grenade vs. Sweetcorn
  
• Chuck Norris vs. Gamera
  
• Julie Bishop vs. Chuck Norris
  
• Lissy vs. A wheel of cheese
  
• Ebola vs. Coeliac Disease, and
  
• Glad Wrap vs Glad Wrap cutter
  

However, not all unfair matches result in the predictable outcome.  Take, for example, the battle of "Pretty much fully grown (if slightly emotionally underdeveloped) labrador with gleaming, gnashy teeth vs. Pathetic half-grown shih-tzu that trembles, has limited bladder control, and has been shaved to look like a git."

I am most ashamed to report that upon seeing this most feeble of dogs rushing at her like a bleached, incontinent and alopecic baby Ewok, Ellen immediately dropped to the ground and presented the Genitals of Subservience.

Oh Ellen.  I am a bit concerned about what she'd do in the face of a real threat.