Thursday, August 13, 2009


I have never been as pleased to clean up dog vomit before breakfast as I was this morning.

The chain of events leading to this started yesterday with a string of burglaries, a long and sad walk around the suburb, a ride in a police car, and finally, a big kiss for Ellen in spite of the grave bacterial danger.

When I arrived home with groceries just after lunch, I steeled myself for the usual jumping, slobbering, smiling attack of someone who knows there are bones for her in one of the bags.  It didn't come.  I dumped the bags on the kitchen floor, and went around the side of the house to where Ellen had masterminded her two previous escapes, and found that the side gate had been opened, and Ellen was gone.  A pile of bricks had been moved to open the gate, so I knew my girl hadn't done it herself.  

Hoping that she had simply escaped through the opened gate, and not been taken, I called the Fella, and he came home to walk around the suburb with me.  No luck, but lots of false alarms - it's amazing how many barks sound just like Ellen's.  The Fella had to go back to work, and I was left forlorn to type up a lost dog notice.

As I was sitting at the computer, a policeman walked past the window.  I ran outside, and he told me he was checking to see if we'd been burgled, as there had been a string of break-ins in the street.  I told him no, but that someone had come in, and our dog was missing.  He said he'd heard a dog was missing, and figured it must have been from our house, as he'd looked through the kitchen window, seen the dumped groceries and assumed I'd arrived home, left everything on the floor, and gone out looking for her.  I was impressed at his detectiving skills until the Fella pointed out that get to the kitchen window he would have walked past an enormous kennel, stepped over another dog bed, watched he didn't stumble over chewed sticks and rubber toys, and leaned over an enormous water bowl.  It might have occurred to a more experienced policeman a little earlier that this was a house of dog.  Also, if he knew us, he would know there are always groceries on the kitchen floor.

Anyway, he said to me "Was it a black labrador?"  I confirmed this, and then he said "We may have some bad news about a black labrador."  I can't describe how I felt as he told me that they had picked up some associates of the burglars, who told the police that the burglars had boasted that they'd killed a black lab.  "It's not confirmed though," he said.  "For the moment we'll treat it as a missing dog, rather than a murdered dog."  Not comforting.  

After checking out our neighbour's property, which had also been entered, he told me to wait, and they would go to the scene of the alleged crime, and let me know what they found.  

longest. wait. of. my. life.

Finally he returned and asked me if she was wearing a purple collar.  I said yes, and he said they had found her.  

He then told me "We would have brought her back in the car, but she was too manic."  

That's definitely my girl!!!  I started running around in circles and whooping, and then the policeman took me to where she was.  Turns out she'd chased the would-be burglars down the street, jumping all over them, and they had put her over someone's fence.  Who needs a fierce guard dog when you've got a really annoying one?

Ellen came home, gnawed on an enormous bone for the rest of the afternoon, and was a bit bemused by all the cuddles she was getting.

A lot of excitement for a girl on her first day of school.  But more of that later.


  1. What kind of arsehole would murder a black lab?!

    And yeah, annoying guard dogs are the best. Except maybe for basset hounds, which woof much larger than they actually are.

    Go Ellen, Burglar-Chaser Extraordinaire!

  2. So glad she's okay! That must have been terrifying, I hope you had some comforting cheese to hand afterwards. I can't believe those bastards murdered some other poor puppy though :(

    I knew a smart dog like Ellen had to be so annoying for a reason... I'm so impressed that she used the power of irritation to fend off the burglars. That's awesome. You should make her a cape. Except that she'd chew on it and you so that you wouldn't be able to put it on her.

  3. It's not clear that they did actually murder another dog - the policeman thought they might have been just big-noting themselves to their mates.

    It would be a coincidence to have dealings with two black labs on their burglary spree, so I'm choosing to believe they were actually talking about Ellen. Really hoping.

    And yes, a cape would be eaten very quickly!

  4. Actually, now I think about it more, it had to have been Ellen they were talking about. The police found her at the scene of the alleged murder, and there were no other dogs there.

    I'm happy now.

  5. Excellent :-) And well done Ellen, for being so irritating that people feel compelled to exaggerate to their mates to preserve their masculinity after encountering you.

    Did Ferret Dog survive?


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