Thursday, July 30, 2009

10 Pieces of Advice For Ellen

Yesterday it was a month since we brought Ellen home.  It is lovely to have a dog around again, but I'd forgotten about some of the more interesting aspects.  For the Fella it is all new.  Terrifyingly new.

Anyhow, the Fella has grown very fond of her, and I think Ellen likes it here.  She's settling in nicely, but there are still some teensie things she needs to learn.  This is what I would like to tell her if she would listen to me:

1. Stuart may sit there docilely while you are licking his face, but rest assured he is biding his time before he launches a bloody revenge attack. Very bloody.

2. Plastic is delicious, but it's better to eat your very expensive bones and chew toys.  DVD cases are not chew toys.

3. I know it's you that farts during Spicks and Specks.  It's no good sharing a knowing look with the Fella and trying to blame me.

4. If you find a smashed watermelon when you're on walkies, it's OK to eat some of it.  It's not OK to eat most of it.  This has unfortunate results. 

5. You are never, ever, going to catch a magpie.   Or a wattle bird.  Or a group of children.  Standing there with your tail nice and straight then hurtling at them like a demented thing is not effective.

6. We know you're not deaf.

7. We would prefer it if you didn't remove whole palings from the fence and chew them up on the deck.

8. It's very sweet when you sleep with your head on my lap, but when you wake up and chew my belly, it is unpleasant.

9. You have a fine voice, but it's best if you don't use it at 2:00am.

10. Dead birds can be admired from a reasonable distance.  You don't necessarily have to roll all over them.

She will eventually learn the first point, but I am not confident about the rest.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Free Blog Counter