Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Amityville Coffee Horror

Week Two is done and dusted. Fried food continues, but M is running out of inspiration - Wednesday sees plain florets of cauliflower deep-fried with a bit of salt sprinkled on them afterwards. Man they can soak up a lot of oil. Mmmmmmmm.

So anyway, I was lying on my bed the other day and in a Syrian version of the Amityville Horror my walls start running with disgusting brown goop. I drag my mattress as far from the wall as possible, chuck a wodge of tissues under the flow, and only then do I realise it is coffee. Was my room built on an ancient Syrian burial ground and the dead were narky? Had Zool come to wreak havoc on the village (I think his stomping ground is somewhere around here)? Dismissing both as very unlikely during siesta time, I go upstairs to try and find answers. Turns out a member of our team has mistaken my chimney for a drain and emptied his plunger down it. He's quite amused when I point it out. I am not. I go downstairs to clean it up before I get stabby. My room still smells like stale coffee, but there are certainly worse things around here it could smell of.

I have only one picture for you this week, but it's been photoshopped, so there's a lot of value.

For everyone who told me to "have a great holiday", here is a picture of my room:

Here are the most important elements:

1: Selection of fetching fashions. Includes men’s shirts, a big red dress to go between my room and the shower, and one shirt with no stains for trips into the big smoke.

2: Bedside table. Contains all important things: drugs (assorted), toilet paper (you can never be too rich, skinny or prepared), heel balm (highly recommended), mirror (not recommended), teas from home (will not rot teeth like local tea), red feathery thing for hair from Membij souk (not something I can wear at home), chewing gum (for freshness, something to do, and a handy fixative for broken pottery).

3: Hideous toy from home that was snuck into my luggage by the Fella. I shall have my revenge.

4: Nicely finished walls and ceiling. Little flakes fall on us in the night and we awake looking like lamingtons. But not chocolicious and definitely more grumpy. Dribble behind pillow is Amityville coffee.

5: Dawn French book. Hilarious and highly recommended. Introduces me to new word: “ladygarden”. Heh heh.

6: Liquids in assorted containers not exceeding 50ml each that I have not yet removed from regulation airline clear plastic bag.

7: Windcheater with spaghetti stain. Weather has been very cool in the evenings, and some days, so can’t risk putting it in to wash. At least the stain is not really red anymore.

Today is hump day. After tonight we're into the second half of the dig. Tonic crisis continues, but fortunately the conservators have some ethanol to calm us.


  1. You know, you really need some posters. Next time you're in the big smoke you should try and steal some. :-) Or, you know, buy them. Even newspaper ads would be better than those walls!

    Surely you can find a cheesy Syrian pinup poster somewhere? Preferably with Engrish?

    We now need a close up of the toy, what is that exactly?

    The rug on the floor is quite pretty though.

    Happy hump day, anyway!

  2. When are you going to out the identity of the coffee pourer? I hope it wasn't anyone claiming any knowledge of contemporary Syrian housing design.


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