Monday, July 26, 2010

Unnatural Histories, Part Two: The Blobfish

The blobfish (Psychrolutes marcidus) is the only fish never to be featured on an Australian postage stamp. It was scheduled to grace the two cent stamp in 1979, but the post office thought people would be squeamish about licking it, coming as it did on the back of the deadly and messy outbreak of Latvian flu.

The blobfish was named by a grade four class at Dana Street Primary School in Ballarat.  Scientists were so impressed at the appositeness of the name that they called on the same children to name the black rat, the spectacled bear, the stinkbug and De Brazza's guenon.

Despite being bald, the blobfish blends in easily in most situations.  Early in 2009 a blobfish replaced a regular panellist on Insiders for six weeks, and nobody noticed.

Original images here and here
The blobfish has a beautiful singing voice, but many people find it annoying.  Fishermen will usually throw a blobfish back lest its song drive them crazy.  This is not just one of those weird superstitions that fishermen cling to - in one village scientists documented eighty-four cases of psychosis amongst the fishermen and three cases of Tourette's Syndrome.  These, however, may have just been fishermen screaming at the scientists to get off their boats.  

It is claimed that blobfish, like people, can suffer from lactose intolerance.  However, like most people, most blobfish are lying about it.

They should, however, be taken seriously if they claim to have Coeliac Disease.  The blobfish population around Kangaroo Island was decimated in 1987 when a terrible accident saw thousands of hot cross buns end up in the ocean.

The local moray eels are still traumatised by the incident.

Like most deep-sea creatures that are never seen by humans, blobfish are notoriously private.  When New Idea ambushed a blobfish with allegations he was Michael Jackson's love child, it made the blobfish very angry.

Blobfish have not been bothered by any women's magazines since.

3 comments:

  1. this is crazy funny stuff.seriously

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG some blob fish are very funny, some don't look very pleasing! but i like blobfish and want to have one in my aquarium :D lol

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