Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Helpful Household Hint #1: How To Get Your Fella To Do The Dishes


Scene: Fella is sitting on couch watching cricket.  Dishes, including a pan from an egg-poaching experiment gone horribly wrong, are sitting on kitchen sink.  Cricket is scheduled to finish some time close to dawn.

Step One: Start singing Mr Mistoffeles, sotto voce.

Fella will smile politely at your child-like exuberance.

Step Two: Leave a pause long enough for your Fella to relax and start watching cricket again.  Start singing Don't cry for me Argentina.  Inject some passion.  Stand up for the chorus.

Fella will smile again, but this time with a hint of murderousness.

Step Three: Shift the tempo with Mein Herr from Cabaret.  You probably don't know all the words to this one, but it's OK to substitute all the missing words with "Mein Herr."

Fella stops smiling and turns up the volume.

Step Four: Treat him to The sun will come out tomorrow in your best Little Orphan Annie holler.  Make sure you emphasise "Tooo-morrrrahhhhhh" in a way that will get the cat's attention from the other end of the house.

Fella will turn off the TV and go into the kitchen.

Step Five: Turn the TV back on and watch something interesting.

1 comment:

  1. Wouldn't work at Chez Livebird. Curmudgeon is utterly unmoved by banshee wailing.

    ReplyDelete

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